I've lost myself in my intentions. Dreams have been rubbed away on my map. Sometimes I even misplace the map. Fuck if I know which boot my foot is in. These give a jingle, request a jingle wannabe gods think they're oh-so mighty behind their plastic screens and leather rolling chairs. I'm convinced that if you were to happen upon them you too would have to join their devilish cult. If I were a caveman I'd play dead, and perhaps they'd leave me to live. Then again if I were a caveman I wouldn't have shoes or a map, and is that honestly any better? Optimism can be fleeting in times like this, and if it weren't for tomorrow I'd be a pessimist like the rest of these flatliners.
It's a grim start to this post, I know. I'm feeling a way lately. Maybe it's the debt, that I had claimed no concern for. Maybe it is that I haven't had to answer to anyone but my family and property for the last three months. Maybe it's the time of year, and as much as I felt forgotten during winter, I partly enjoyed it.
Maybe it's the drinking... Okay, it's probably the drinking. My fiance likes to say I'm first to blame the bottle, and I take pride in that... And The DeLurkmons...
I've started our seedlings for our warm-weather crops! Which is exciting. Next is to build the raised garden beds. I'm working again, this job is temporary. My previous work environment spoiled me, and my expectations are high. I am stoked for my next opportunity, so stay tuned. We've explored more surrounding areas and scoped out the nearby campgrounds. We'll be fishing and camping there soon, but it still doesn't feel enough.
Winter has ended, while I was cursing the snow-covered dirt trails and the frozen pipes as it was happening, I was missing what made it special. It was an experience, and we came here to do just that. Part of me is mourning the excitement I had when we first arrived. We had no idea what we were doing, not to say we've got it all figured out now, but the future was completely up to mystery. A mystery that we've now lit with a Bic lighter. Suddenly the ink doesn't look so faded on that map I found in my back pocket, and wouldn't you know it, my boots are on the right feet. Those are some sturdy bootstraps.
What worries me so? The confidence I had in myself fell by the wayside in the winter. Was I happier letting the Gorge winds blow my cares away? For a time, but the world hadn't waited for me to figure out what I was doing, and the expectations I allowed others to have of me persisted. This is all for the best. I'm not retired, I'm too young to live so comfortably. I know a few things about myself without a shadow of a doubt, and one of them is that I'm a mowfeckin doer.
So cheers to the mysteries! You can't find your demons if you never enter the dark, and by golly I just so happen to have a lighter. We here at the Farnsworth / Dunn Homestead are only getting started and with the cold of winter behind us, there's a whole heap of work to get done and goals to be achieved. Now if only we could leave each other's throats alone, perhaps there'd be hope for us yet.
What am I watching, playing, reading? Find out below:
Film: Vivarium
(2019)
A trippy take on suburban living crossed with a frantic parenting nightmare. Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots star in this film that follows a hetero couple's journey into adulting. Tom (Eisenberg) and his wife Gemma (Poots) are looking into purchasing a home, but are somehow roped into an unending neighborhood of pistachio-colored homes. There's seemingly no exit, and the clouds in the sky look too much like... well clouds. Before the characters gather their bearings and test the limits of their new environment, an infant is dropped off on their doorstep.
The film shows you its general idea in the beginning credits, which helps the more surreal ideas being explored. The shots and composition of this film help elevate the artificial style. I did enjoy this film quite a bit. Poots kills it when it comes to the acting, and Johnathan Aris as Martin is creepy as hell. There are a few practical effects in this film I thought were a lot of fun, like Poot's falling through the quicksand floor. I can't say that the message fully sank in for me. Is it a commentary on the white picket fence lifestyle, or is it saying something deeper about humanity's inability to accept something foreign?
TV: A Murder At The End Of The World
(2023)
This Hulu original series is intriguing. It plays with ideas that creators were passing about during the pandemic era. Strangers trapped in an all too luxurious home. The ever-increasing threat of AI technology. And of course the end of the world. If this sort of thing sounds right up your alley, I recommend you check out The Last House on The Lake by DC Comics. The art in that comic is spectacular as well.
Is this series a must-see? I wouldn't say so, but I did lose access to my Hulu account the night before the last episode aired, and then I waited two months to get back to it. I forgot things and wasn't as involved with the characters as I had once been. Don't take my opinion for granted. It has an interesting protagonist, and if you love a murder mystery, then knock yourself out.
And oh, its got Clive Owen if he's your Hollywood hunk.
Game: The Chant
(2022)
I love me a third-person survival horror game, so I've been waiting patiently to gush about this debut experience from developers Brass Token. You play as Jessica who has been lured to an island retreat by her friend Kim. It's obvious from the opening scenes that something of cosmic origin resides beyond the objectivity of this island. Before all the mechanics are introduced Kim is whisked away in a rage of spiritual awakening. It's up to you, Jessica, to use herbs and crystals to your advantage to battle the dark past left behind by a 70's cult.
The game is most definitely on rails, and the controls are straightforward. To survive you must use your items sparingly. Creature designs are fun, and the story is fast-paced. If you're into the classic Resident Evil games or have a hankering for some culty nonsense then this would be well worth your time. I'm playing it on Xbox, and I picked it up for like $6.49, so I really couldn't go wrong.
Book: Love Is A Dog From Hell
(1977)
This book is a collection of poems by the legendary Bukowski. There's no argument when it comes to his influence on poetry, especially at a time when art depicted the world as it was growing ever sicker of itself. Bukowski has a way of getting readers to first relate to him, and then agree with him, and just when you think you like the guy he will disgust you. He's an intentional man.
The poem I'm sharing here has a lot of relevance to the state of the world today. Bukowski chooses to repeat the phrase "people are not good to each other" and yet he's begging for there to be hope. He's pointing out the misery of being human, yet he yearns for relief; as in hope for humanity. He pairs lovers with haters and too much with too little. This is the duality of man. For every miserable old fellow jerking off to a picture of Monroe, there is also a young woman giving that old man a reason to demand an answer other than "no".
I told you that Bukowskit begs for you to be sickened. Don't think about it too hard.
A Few More of my favorites from this collection are: guru, 462-0614, beer and artist. Enjoy!