My Bloody Valentine (2009)

The first five are done!

Thank you all who have stopped by for a quick read over the last two and a half weeks. I thought I could pump these things out a lot faster, but I have found that, like usual, I have bitten more off than I can chew. That's okay though, this went from the October Movie Challenge to my own personal Horror Movie Review. I hope you guys are enjoying what you're finding here, and I encourage everyone to interact and leave me a like!


Who?

My Bloody Valentine was directed by a man known as Patrick Lussier whose known for directing films like Drive Angry starring Nickolas Cage, and Dracula 2000. He’s also attributed a writing credit for Terminator Genisys, among many other films, but most of his career consists of editing. The stars of this flick are Jansen Ackles, the fuck up returning to his hometown. Jansen has become a household name thanks to the longrunning show Supernatural. Jaime King plays Sarah Palmer, the waitress with the dirtbag boyfriend. Jaime has been seen all across film and television, but I recognized her from the latest season of Black Summer. Tom Atkins plays detective Burke, and who doesn’t like the famous Tom Atkins? Hello, Halloween III! These are the standout performances of the film, most of the performances given in 2009’s My Bloody Valentine feel dull, like a CW sitcom.


What?

I have never seen the original 1981 version of this film, but I can imagine just the type of film it is and the quality in which it falls. I’m thinking of something like Friday the 13th, meets Slumber Party Massacre. The film opens like many slasher films with an introduction to the killer and the types of victims we will be dealing with, in fact in this film they’re simply younger versions of the main characters. Those that survive are left are traumatized by the pickaxe-wielding killer, who was gunned down by police. Typical slasher set up, with nothing new to offer here. Years later Jansen Ackles character, Tom Hanniger, returns home after his father’s death to sell the family mine, where the previous murders had taken place. Along with his return comes the killer miner who is known as Harry Warden. The most interesting aspect of this film comes in the fact that the other survivors of the inciting incident have stayed living in town, and two of them have gotten married and had a child. One of these characters is Sarah Palmer, whose husband is sheriff Axel Palmer. This makes for juicy drama because not only does the sheriff cheat on his wife but there’s also a possibility that his wife may rekindle an old flame with Tom. Murders ensue, and one girl gets chased around butt-ass naked for about 10 minutes which may not be for everyone. This movie makes you think you know how it’s going to pan out because the obvious answer is just too simple, and then it completely leans the wrong way, by making the cheating husband and sheriff the hero of the film!


When?

This movie was released when I was fifteen and I vaguely remember gathering around with my high school buddies and catching it once it was released on DVD, probably out of Redbox. We went through a phase where the cheesiest and goriest movies were the most fun to watch together, but this one did not remain memorable. I can’t seem to locate any historical events happening around 2009 that would be reflected in this film, but I can speak for the horror movie genre and the remake boom of this era. Friday the 13th was remade in the same year like this one, and only a year later we got the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. None of these franchises have continued since. We’re waiting for another slasher reprisal, and with the success of the latest Halloween films, I think we’re on the cusp of witnessing the return of some of these franchises. I just hope we get better quality than the 2009 and 2010 films.


Why?

The prompt for this film was a horror movie that had previously been seen in theaters. I had realized that I hadn’t seen many horror films in theaters at all, and those I had seen were very bland, like Unfriended. My fiance, Tayler, recommended this one. Her father had taken her to watch this flick. I find it comical to imagine my father-in-law chaperoning a group of 14-year-old girls to an R-rated horror movie that utilizes the 3D technology that was all the rage at this time.


Where?

The original film took place in a small mining town in Canada called Valentine Bluff, in this remake, someone made the call to change the name of the town to Harmony. The trucks, clothes, and scenery all provoke the mining town aesthetic.


How?

Despite the 3D effects used in this film, I find that the gore and the kills all fall short. I’d say a big reason for this is the fact that early on in the film, the police officers enter a hospital where all the patients have been murdered and they’re very obviously mannequins. This tainted my opinion of the film all throughout. I also didn’t watch this film with 3D glasses and maybe some of those effects that tried to wow crowds in 2009 just didn’t hit the mark for me. All in all, this is a tacky-looking movie, but some of the kills are fun.


5/10

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